The ab shoulder thing

I don't know what to call this, other than, "The ab shoulder thing." It's something I did on the playground as a kid to impress the girls. Surprisingly, despite it's awesomeness, it didn't seem to impress the girls all that much. They were probably just acting coy. Yeah, that's it.

Anyway, this is how you do it.

1) Start from the hanging position.

2) Bring your knees up to your chest.

3) Continue upward until your feet are fully extended above your head.

4) Keep on rolling backwards until you can't rotate further.

5) Roll back forward until you are in the hanging position.

6) Lather, rinse, repeat.

Be careful when you do this, cause it puts alot of pressure on your shoulders when you are hanging backwards. It's mostly social pressure, because they don't want to look dumb in front of other shoulders. You know how it is.

But this will never be a concern, cause you read the disclaimer in red and are not going to even attempt this workout. Weiner.

Alright, the song of the day is the, "Immigrant song" by Led Zeppelin.

Hahaha. I tricked you into listening to a crappy soda commercial from the 80's. Man, I'm like the puppet master.

The Superman

So there I was, hanging by this strap thingie, doing tens of pull ups. Then a thought occurred to me. I'm not going to tell you what the thought was, but I will tell you about a thought I had around the same time. It was as follows, "I wonder what else I can do with this strap thingie?"

I found out. I call this one, "The Superman." Basically, what you do is to start from a hanging position, then slowly start swinging side to side. Pretty much, you see how high you can get and for how long.

This is easily the hardest and most fun workout on the 7 dollar swat workout. I mean, really. Where else on the web can you find ways to swing aroung like a little chimpanzee on crack and still maintain a sense of masculenity?

Enjoy. I should warn, clearing the area of any "launchables" like small children and pets is advisable.

Also, for those fans of Superman and those type A's who like to point things out, I realize that this doesn't look anything like how Superman flies. I realize this and you can, in fact, get bent. I did it on purpose to mess with you. Take that.

O.K. the song of the day is, "Again" by Archive. That song rocks.

Abdominally speaking

O.K. This is quite possibly the silliest thing I have done in a long time. For those who know me (and admit it), that is a significant statement.

Despite the difficulty in actually getting in the position required to do the exercise, once obtained, the suffering begins. This is a tough workout, no doubt about it.

The three exercises are as follows:

1) Knee-ins.

2) Scissor thingies.

3) Sway backs. This is where, following the knee in, you push your feet back as far as possible. This puts your hands far out in front of your face, similar to looking like Superman flying.

Care should be taken to keep your back as straight as possible. Hopefully you can keep yours straighter than mine. This is especially important during the sway backs.

Song of the day: Muse, "Invincible"

Yes, that's two Muse songs in a row. Get over it.

Try the tri

This is a standard tricep type workout. These are similar to what Micah calls "prison presses" on a horizontal bar. I suppose that keeping your elbows in the same place while you do this workout will be better for your shoulders, but you know...whatever.

After about like a thousand or so of these, I get a little winded and change my grip. I hold the straps together with both hands like I'm Conan the Barbarian, which incidentally was loosely based on my time in Kindergarten. I say "loosely" because they didn't allow swords in my Kindergarten. A gross oversight on the part of our nations educational system.

Song of the day: Muse, "Uprising"

Pushes and pulls

Pushes and pulls. This is the great strength of the suspension-type workout. You can move from numerous pushing and pulling workouts with little time in between. These movements range from a basic bench press / push up type movement, to a lateral fly, to a split fly.

Pulls are equally versatile. From a row, to a reverse fly, to a split reverse fly.

Working all of these techniques with little rest time in between will give a good functional cardio and strength routine.

Rock on...or don't.

Song of the day: Boston, "A man I'll never be."

Strap on...strap off...the Strapper!

Sometimes I like to go out for a run. Mostly I don't.

For me, running is super lame and not enjoyable. The way I've found to manage this is to work in some waypoints with various exercises. "But how James...how?" your plaintive cries resound. Be at peace. I'm here to help.

All you need is some 1" webbing, some knot tying know how, and a positive "can-do" attitude. Gathered all your materials? Good. Here we go.

1) Cut about 4' of webbing. Black, cause it looks tough.

2) Melt the ends with a lit match, lighter, a smoldering hot woman...whatever you have on hand.

3) Tie a water knot .

4) Exult in your awesomeness.

Aything less than 1" will cut into your skin and hurt so very, very badly. I personally use 1/2" webbing, cause my skin is made of diamonds and magic. Plus that was all that I had at my house.

Notice the awesome Alpha Co. Fitness shirt? It's pretty much the sweetest shirt ever invented in the history of forever.

So now that you have your "Strapper" constructed, go out and make the magic happen. Do some 440's interspersed with some push ups, some pull-ups, some mountain climber thingies. You know, that sort of thing.

And you can run with confidence, cause the Strapper can be used as a wicked awesome defensive weapon. Just sayin'.